HUMOR, KOMÖDIE & QUATSCH 

ich mag Leute, die einen scharfen/lustigen Sinn für Humor haben = I like people who have a deadpan/throwaway sort/kind of humor; he’s got a quirky/offbeat/wry sense of humor

in diesen unruhigen Zeiten sollten aufmunternde Lacher die Menschen von traurigen Ereignissen in ihrem Leben oder sogar der Politik ablenken =  in these anxious times cheer-me-up laughs should distract people from sad events in their lives or even politics

die Aufgabe des Entertainers ist es, dich deine Sorgen vergessen zu lassen - komm schon, werde glücklich = the entertainer’s job is to make you forget your troubles – come on, get happy!  

nach der Blamage/seinen abwegigen Kommentare wurde er zur Lachnummer der Stadt/der Comedians = after that big fiasco he has become the city’s butt of many jokes; those stupid/ bizarre comments just made him a sitting duck for comedians

der Lehrer avanciert zum größten Clown der Schule = because he acts/talks so funny the teacher is now regarded as the Clown-in-Chief (it derives from the term Commander-in-Chief) of the school  

Menschen, die ein schwaches Selbstwertgefühl haben, neigen zur Selbstironie = people with a low degree of self-esteem have a self-deprecating humor/like making a fool of themselves on purpose;   “ignorance is bliss”, some comedians say

er/sie/der Politiker ist zu überheblich/blasiert = he relishes flashing a superior/smug grin when he thinks he’s right; I don’t like talking to people who pretend to be better and superior; sometimes she sounds so conceited; I don’t like politicians who are always putting on airs; as a politician he has become too big for his breeches/boots 

er hat immer flotte Sprüche drauf, die er trocken/süffisant bringt =  "the weather is just right for a walk", he said straight-faced/cracked/ deadpanned /quipped (although it was snowing like crazy); he always delivers great punchlines/makes humorous quips

das war eine kurze, aber sehr witzige Bemerkung = that was simply a great witty oneliner/deadpan delivery; that was just a throwaway remark/comment 

urkomische Komiker liefern präzise Pointen, die aus dem Nichts kommen =  hilarious dead-pan comics deliver precision punchlines that come out of nowhere  

sie/er klopft gerne flotte Sprüche = she can deliver/drop extremely witty one-liners; he/she has plenty of snappy/catchy one-line quotes on tap; he/she enjoys wisecracking 

diese Komikerin, die zwar introspektiv und unbeholfen rüber kommt, haut einen Killer-Witz nach dem anderen raus, Satz für Satz, die richtig ins Mark treffen =  this female comedian,  while   coming across as introspective and awkward unveils/delivers killer jokes that go for the jugular one clause at a time   

nachdem die Nachricht raus kam, konnte sie nur noch grinsen/lachen = she couldn’t help but smile/grin/laugh when the news broke out

die Zuschauer konnten sich weg schmeißen vor Lachen = the sketch had the audience laying/rolling in the aisles/on the floor; the spectators roared with laughter

die Presse zieht die politische Errungenschaft ins Lächerliche = the media made a mockery of/pooh-poohed/ridiculed the political achievement 

sie hat sich ins Fäustchen gelacht = she snickered (sniggered) at his childish remark

mein Onkel lässt gerne Gags/Witze los = my uncle enjoys cracking/telling/relaying jokes/anecdotes 

diesen Witz hören wir sehr oft im Büro/zuhause = this is a standing joke in the office/at home

manche Komiker machen eine Gratwanderung zwischen Humor und Rassismus  = walking a fine line between humor and racism is a delicate balancing act/a slippery slope for comedians 

Darf ein Comedian/Kabarettist einen ausländischen Dialekt/Akzent nur aus Spaß nachahmen? = Is it ever OK for comedians to do a foreign accent just for laughs?

der Komiker hat ständig was auf Lager = the comedian is constantly revving up his hilarity motors

er übertreibt, wenn er Witze erzählt = he hams it up when he tells jokes 

manchmal ist es ratsam, nicht gleich loszulachen = sometimes it’s wise to hold back laughter

es klingt piepsig/quietschend, wenn er anfängt zu lachen  = when he bursts out/grunts out laughing/lets loose a laugh his voice sounds squeaky/high-pitched

er erzählt stets dreckige Witze = his jokes are always sort of dirty/off-color/sleazy/second-rate/shabby  

das war ein blöder/schlechter Witz, der... überhaupt nicht witzig war =   that was a flat/crude joke, which ... wasn’t funny at all 

der Witz war zu anzüglich/anrüchig = the joke was close to the bone/too lewd/racy/risqué; this joke was a bit near the knuckle; that was a ribald joke     

es war ein schäbiger Witz, nicht ganz jugendfrei = that was a joke gone wrong/that fell flat; Please, not another poor taste/dirty joke, OK?

diesmal ging es unter die Gürtellinie  = this time around he overstepped the mark/went over the top/went nuclear; that comment/remark was a cheap shot; that was definitely a sick/an offensive joke 

es gibt Komiker, die in ihren Shows gerne provozieren/anecken/über die Strenge schlagen  = in his shows the comedian enjoys pushing the envelope/boundaries of provocative humor/rankling people; when comedians make an off-color joke, the immediate response of the audience may be a gasp, a boo, or even prompt some people to walk out

seine Drohung ist nicht ernst zu nehmen, sie war im übertragenen Sinne gemeint; es war nur Galgenhumor = don’t take his threat literally, it was just a hyperbole/ he was just being facetious; his threat is/was not for real; it was only a bit of black/dark humor

er hat den Bogen überspannt  = the way he treated that lady was beyond the pale  

der Kommentar/Witz war nicht angebracht = that was an ill-timed/bad comment/off-colored remark  

das war abgegriffener Klamauk =  that was another corny/old-fashioned/stuffy joke; he tells jokes that are repeated all too often  

etwas klein reden/bagatellisieren/weglächeln = the comedian laughed off/played down/downplayed/trivialized/glossed over the notion/ relevance of good manners; his behavior/attitude was dismissed as a young boy’s prank

Fasching/Fastnacht/Karneval wird im Februar oder März in Köln und Mainz mit vielen Büttenreden und Karnevalsprüchen gefeiert = in February or March Mardi Gras/carnival rhymes/skits/jokes abound; during the carnival festivities there is a lot of funny carnival spoof/ lampooning in Cologne and Mainz; a street parade of floats depicting known celebrities is part and parcel of the Mardi Gras/carnival celebrations 

bei den Büttenreden/Persiflagen kriegen/bekommen viele Politiker/Promis ihren Fett weg bzw. werden abgewatscht/aufs Korn genommen; mit ihrem skurrilen Humor räumen Politredner gehörig ab richtig ab = during the Mardi Gras/carnival season politicians and celebs are fair game/the main butt of jokes/jibes for comedians/cartoonists; it is no-holds-barred for the carnival speakers/parodists/ satirists on stage who poke a lot of fun at/send up/spoof/mock/lampoon/ridicule/deride leading politicians with witty/zany rhymes 

Kabarettisten und manchmal Politiker stehen gerne in der Bütt = comedians and occasionally polticians enjoy standing on the carnival podium 

ich verstehe/er/sie versteht nur Bahnhof = it’s all Greek/double Dutch to me; (it) beats me; Search me! He’s/she’s not very quick at catching on; he doesn’t get the picture

es hat etwas gedauert, bis er/sie raffte, was los war =  it took him/her a while to catch on (to things/to what was going on)

Entschuldigung, ich habe es nicht verstanden =  sorry, I don’t/didn’t get it

Ist es angekommen? =  Get the message? Get the picture? 
dieser Schlaumeier/Blödmann/Besserwisser weiß überhaupt nichts über Musik/Literatur = this smart aleck/jerk/nerd/wimp knows next to nothing/zip about music; he knows beans about literature
er redet nur Kauderwelsch/Quatsch= all he says sounds gibberish/is gobbledygook; he just talks trash/too much jibber-jabber
das ist alles nur Fachchinesisch = this is all specialized/technical jargon/ vocabulary
ich verstehe die Logik nicht = Go figure!

Können Sie es bitte wiederholen (was Sie soeben gesagt haben)? = = Could you say that gain, please?; come again, please; how’s that (again)?

eine australische Variante von “how’s that” wird “howzat” buchstabiert =  “howzat”  is a slang term commonly used to "appeal" a decision in cricket (it is pronounced as spelt)
manche Leute sind schwer vom Begriff/stehen stets auf der Leitung  = some folks are very slow on the uptake/are not very quick at catching on; some people know beans/don’t know beans about a subject

immer nur leere Worthülsen/Sprachhülsen/die gleichen Phrasen = it’s always the same old platitudes/stock phrases/buzzwords/ commonplaces
die gleichen abgedroschenen Sätze/das selbe Wortgeplänkel wie sonst = it’s the usual set-piece comments/trite; his talk sounds too hollow
Hör doch auf mit diesem Quatsch! = Just cut the crap/bullshit, (will you?!); spare me the bullshit
er erzählt ständig Geschichten von früher = he always enjoys dining out on/flexing/crowing about pleasant stories he experienced in his past life
er/sie prahlt/brüstet sich gerne mit seinen Gags/Kunststücken = he brags/crows to a friend about the success of one’s own stunts; she likes touting/trumpeting/talking up/grandstanding her own achievements 
er ist ein großer Angeber = that guy is just a showboat/too showbizzy; he loves hot dogging/showing off/flexing/gloating in style or in high-flying fashion
er gibt gerne an = he relishes boasting of/about his knowledge of art 
er kann nicht gut reden; er ist wortkarg = he is not very articulate/not a big talker
Wieso/Woher weiß du das? = How come you know it/this?
das liegt auf der Hand = it/this is plain to see; this is right under your nose; it/this is/was staring you in the face; even blind Freddy could see that (AUS); this is as plain as the nose on your face 

Binsenwahrheiten, was alle schon wissen (so kann die Antwort auf eine blöde Frage lauten) = Is the Pope a catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods? Duh/No duh! (this is the answer one may get when asking a question considered stupid, i.e. when the answer is quite obvious)  
dies ist offensichtlich/selbstverständlich = this is glaringly obvious; this is bleeding/ inescapably/howling obvious; this is bloody obvious (AUS); it’s a statement of the obvious; you are stating the obvious; his displeasure is staring/stares me in the face; there are telltale signs of corruption in the company; making that decision was a no-brainer/a slam dunk 

das ist mir total klar =  hey, this is a no-brainer

er/sie bringt immer die üblichen Argumente = he’s always advancing the usual tired arguments about his future projects/plans; she always gives us the same song and dance
es steckt nichts dahinter; Masse statt Klasse! = it’s all empty words, not much substance; talk was “all sizzle and no steak”; nothing but short-term superficiality; the speech he delivered was all style over substance; he/she doesn’t walk the talk; it was more fluff than substance 
es steckt doch was dahinter; Klasse statt Masse! = it was all substance over style 

sie musste um Worte ringen = she was fumbling for words
ihn kann man nicht für voll nehmen = he is just being his goofy self/ facetious; it was more bark than bite
es war nicht ernst gemeint = he said it in jest
sie hasst Schwätzer = she hates empty talkers/fly-by-nighters/big-mouths/wheeler-dealers
er kann cool auftreten/reden = you know, he is in the zone/in the driver's seat right now; he likes talking with a chilled-out drawl/twang
ich kann dieses Geschwafel nicht mehr hören = I can’t stand this unclear/confused talk no longer
er wird alles nur zerredet, sei es Politik oder Religion = she just kept rambling on about politics and religion
er redete ohne Punkt und Komma = he kept talking away nonstop about different issues

sie hat mit ihrer Schwester bis in die Puppen gequatscht = she talked to her sister till the cows came home 
den ganzen Nachmittag hat er nur über das gleiche Thema geredet = the whole afternoon he kept harping on the same string
was er sagt, klingt sehr zweideutig = he’s saying things that sound very ambiguous; his remarks are designed to equivocate/obfuscate other people
alles nur wischi waschi = that was too much verbal gymnastics over philosophy; it’s all recycled platitudes masquerading as common wisdom
sie nimmt es/diesen Hype ihm nicht ab = she is not buying into his hype/bull/bullshit about the cheap vacation